S'accepter et s'aimer imparfait
Conseils pour améliorer l'estime de soi
Les phrases suivantes font-elles partie de votre pensée quotidienne ?
« Ça ne sert à rien, tout ce que je fais est nul! »
« Pourquoi suis-je si différent des autres »
« Je crois que le bonheur n'est pas pour moi »
« Pourquoi ils réussissent et pas moi? »
Ces pensées découlent d'une vision négative de soi. On les traîne généralement depuis l'enfance, parce qu'on s'est senti mal aimé, dénigré, abandonné ou rejeté par des personnes importantes à nos yeux. À l'âge adulte, on garde inconsciemment cette attitude négative envers soi, puisqu'on croit qu'elle est méritée. On se considère réaliste et lucide, alors que la manière dont on se perçoit est biaisée par ses mauvaises expériences ou son éducation.
Une faible estime de soi freine le plein épanouissement et présente des effets variés : agressivité, difficulté à accepter la critique, timidité extrême, pessimisme chronique, impossibilité de prendre des risques, anxiété, etc. Ceci fait que bien souvent, on a de la difficulté à entrer en contact avec les autres, à établir des relations saines et à long terme. Le succès semble hors de portée. On ira même jusqu'à saboter ses réussites potentielles, consciemment ou non, par peur d'un nouvel échec ou en reniant son droit au bonheur... On se confortera ensuite en se disant que « de toute façon, ça n'aurait pas marché. Aussi bien en finir tout de suite ».
Il est possible d'acquérir une plus grande estime de soi, avec beaucoup de travail et de persévérance. Certains choisiront de retrousser leurs manches et de faire le chemin par eux-mêmes ; d'autres préféreront avoir recours à un soutien professionnel comme un psychologue.
Voici quelques pistes pour vous aider à vous sentir bien dans votre peau et vous apprécier à votre juste valeur :
- Reconnaître son humanité (et celle des des autres). Chaque être humain est unique et présente son éventail de forces et de faiblesses. Faites preuve d'humilité face à vous-même. Vous valez autant que chacun, ni plus, ni moins. Accordez-vous le droit à l'erreur, apprenez de vos échecs pour mieux rebondir.
- Relever des défis. Choisissez des défis que vous serez en mesure de relever. Au début, lancez-vous de petits défis, puis au fur et à mesure de vos réussites, augmentez leur niveau de difficulté. N'hésitez à partager à votre entourage vos réalisations !
- Prendre des risques. L'adage « Dans le doute, abstiens-toi » doit être renversé. Tentez plutôt le coup et ouvrez-vous aux horizons inexplorés : sport, discipline artistique, cuisine, jardinage. Risquez de vous tromper... et trompez-vous parfois ; risquez de réussir aussi ! Chaque nouvelle expérience est un apprentissage pour vous permettre de mieux vous connaître. Au final, vous aurez vaincu votre peur ou votre anxiété et vous pourrez dire : « Je l'ai fait !».
- Écouter et accepter les compliments. Les gens vous complimentent parfois sur votre apparence, vos actions, votre bon sens ou votre intelligence. Renoncez aux réflexes habituels qui font que vous rejetez immédiatement le compliment et écoutez-le en l'acceptant comme étant la vérité. Profitez-en pour remarquer les gens qui vous apprécient... Ils existent.
- Prendre rendez-vous avec soi-même. Une fois par semaine, accordez-vous des moments, juste pour vous faire plaisir, pour prendre soin de vous. Détendez-vous, marchez en forêt, offrez-vous une séance au spa, écoutez de la musique... Bref, bloquez un espace dans votre agenda... et tenez la promesse que vous vous êtes faite !
- Exercer le « lâcher prise ». Évidemment, tout n'est pas toujours rose. Certaines journées, vous avez l'impression que rien ne va. Vous ressentez de la colère, de la frustration. Certaines batailles ne valent pas la peine, surtout si vous n'avez pas de contrôle sur la situation. Autorisez-vous à ressentir ces émotions ou cette mauvaise humeur, puis après en avoir pris conscience, passez à autre chose. Pensez que demain sera différent et cessez de vous battre inutilement.
- Choisir son entourage. Recherchez la compagnie de personnes bienveillantes à votre égard, plutôt que celle de gens qui vous dénigrent. S'il n'est pas possible d'éviter ces esprits négatifs, apprenez à porter un jugement éclairé sur leurs propos et à vous détacher. Chaque remarque négative devrait être suivie de la question suivante : « Suis-je vraiment ainsi ? ». Vous mettrez ainsi les choses en perspective.
On dit souvent qu'il faut agir envers les autres comme on aimerait qu'ils le fassent envers nous. Alors, agissez envers vous-même comme si vous étiez votre meilleur ami. Avec du temps et une bonne dose de patience, vous le deviendrez.
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We spent a lot of time at her home. Maybe so her mother could keep an eye on us. Mrs. Spencer made sure to be around, offering drinks, snacks, chit chat. I noticed that she was fairly young herself. Granted at my age, anyone over 25 was old, but she was probably mid-30s, divorced. If she was a indiction of how Carley would develop, maybe I should wait. Mrs. Spencer had fuller breasts and a nice butt. She appeared to be in great shape for her "advanced" age. I knew she was keeping an eye on me as much as I was on her and her younger daughter. Her eldest, Sharon was away at college at the time. With Mrs. Spencer around we mostly limited ourselves to holding hands and sneaking in a few light kisses. One day Mrs. Spencer caught us by surprise walking in as I'd slid my hand up from Carley's stomach to rub her right breast through her shirt. She didn't really need a bra yet, so I could feel her nipple, hard, through her shirt. Just this much contact had me hard also.
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